so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
