Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
