Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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