So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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