It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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