Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
