porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Dear god my vagina.
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