I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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