During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
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