i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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