My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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