I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
