i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
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