you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
