you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize