Ambien. No doubt about it.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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