Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
