She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
