you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Randomize
