No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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