my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
