Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
