Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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