You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
