so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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