my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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