Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
