Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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