I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
