OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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