he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
