dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize