im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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