When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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