I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
