Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
