we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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