im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
