So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
