Capitaan dildo arrescate!
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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