I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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