I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
