Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
