I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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