Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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