Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I don't think brook has ever known best
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
