Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize