I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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