Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
