you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
