I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
try to milk me bitch
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
