What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
