Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
