i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
