if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
