Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
