there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
