we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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