if i can run in heels then i can drive
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
