it wasn't lemon gatorade
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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