I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
