i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
