high people should be assigned attendants
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
