dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
