My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
