i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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