we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
