i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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