apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
