His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
