but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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