i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
