I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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