I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
