Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
