I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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