those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
