what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I can't put those talents on a resume
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
