I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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