it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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