We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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