This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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