just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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