Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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