actually, I'm a sock model
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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