So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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