in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
