For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
