I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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