dude i'm inner monologue high
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
