my mouth tastes like poor choices
another moral hangover. fuck.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Randomize
