So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize