everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
