it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Randomize
