Your mouth is God's brothel.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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