your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
