Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
